Kirstin Odegaard
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My Love-Hate Relationship with Michelle Pfeiffer (5/09)

6/20/2010

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I hate inspirational teacher movies.

They are always about some amazing teacher, who, in a mere two hours, transforms her thuggish students into aspiring Ivy League bound prodigies.  As an English teacher, I know I’m supposed to feel uplifted by these movies, but instead I feel defeated, even mocked—I mean, really?  Even Michelle Pfeiffer could do my job better than me?

And what’s more, the teacher in these movies is always an English teacher--Dangerous Minds, Mona Lisa Smiled, Freedom Writers—all inspirational, earth moving English teachers.  If it were a science teacher, I might be able to comfort myself and say, well, it’s easier for science teachers to reach their students, or some other non-sequitur.  But I can’t because Michelle Pfeiffer’s students discussed poetry with more energy than they formerly devoted to concealing their gang activity from the cops.  It’s hard to compete with that.

In these movies, it’s generally the teacher’s first time in the classroom ever.  She typically has only one class of approximately five students (must be nice).  These five students, while offensive for the first fifteen minutes of the movie, are quickly subdued by the frail and unintimidating English teacher, usually when she springs to take them to Great America on a Saturday.  She then invites a couple of them to live with her at her house. 

Meanwhile, in my English class, we’re reading and, um, writing. 

Then, as a direct result of the Great America trip, these rogue students suddenly profess a deep love of the written word.  They quickly compose a few lines of a meaningful rap—and it has to be rap, lest the chance to reinforce a stereotype is missed.

And at the end of it all, I just feel inadequate.  After all, Hilary Swank makes it look so easy.  So why hasn’t a Shakespeare or maybe even a Gandhi suddenly emerged from my classroom?  (Within the first fifteen minutes would be nice, but I’m willing to wait a full hour if necessary.)

I remember my husband and I were standing in line at the movie theater once when we spotted one of our teacher colleagues in line.  She told us she was waiting to see Freedom Writers and told us to buy tickets.  I almost vomited on the ground in front of her.

Maybe lawyers feel this way after they watch Philadelphia or Erin Brockovich.

I’m not against inspirational movies in general.  Rocky, for instance, was a quality flick.  He works hard and succeeds, but along the way he gets beaten to a pulp.  Right on.  That’s closer to what my first year of teaching was like.

Then, even after he’s achieved success, Rockystill doesn’t go on to make commercials to earn money and fame because he can’t read well.  I like that.  It’s real.  He probably wishes his English teacher had spent more time in the classroom instead of taking him to Great America.

I think part of what offends me is that, like everyone, my first year teaching, I imagined myself saving the world.  I marched into an underperforming high school ready to reenact a scene from Dangerous Minds.

And we did reenact scenes from the movie, but we never moved past the first fifteen minutes.

As a child, I remember watching Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease 2.  She was, like, so radical when she did her dance moves in her Pink Lady’s jacket.  I wanted to be her.  I used to pretend my name was Stephanie, just like the name of her character.

And Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman was equally glamorous, moving from prostitution to Richard Gere.  What an example to young girls everywhere.

So to go from Richard Gere or Pink Lady dance moves to stupid teacher movies that make me want to punch meat Rocky style?  It’s unforgivable.

Worse, because I’m a teacher, people are always trying to make me watch these movies, thinking I’ll feel uplifted by them.  When I tell them I’d rather listen to nails on a chalkboard, they look at me like I’m a bad teacher—like a good teacher would seek out and enjoy these movies.  So I can’t win.  If I watch them, I feel like a bad teacher, and if I don’t, other people think I am.

I guess a realistic teacher movie in which a few of the students get marginally better at reading and writing wouldn’t sell tickets.  So if I had to pick a watchable teacher movie, it’d be Kindergarten Cop.  Twenty plus kids torment a macho man, smearing him with their snot and subduing him with their whines.  That might make me feel mildly uplifted.  Or, at least, it doesn’t make me throw up. 

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    Kirstin runs the Benicia Tutoring Center (http://www.beniciatutoring.com) and writes stories and articles for fun.

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