I’m in a fight with the library right now.
And it is so their fault.
I’m a heavy user. Recently I returned a stack of about twenty books. Among them was one entitled Ten Puppies. I know those puppies were there—all ten of them. I can still see them wagging away on the yellow cover, buried in the stack.
Are you sitting down? Because what I have to say next will shock you. Later, when I later checked my account, the computer said that those ten hooligan puppies had never been turned in.
I was forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes. I called the library and explained I’d turned the book in, and I expected them to reply, “Yes, I see that you’re a responsible library user, utterly above reproach. Don’t worry about it.”
But no! The librarian told me the book was missing (and she said it like it was a dirty word), and that I was responsible. Me! An English teacher! I love books. I don’t lose them. Even when they’re asinine and utterly forgettable, like those ten little puppies.
Then she told me I’d have to pay $26 to replace those ten friggin’ puppies.
I found the book on amazon for eight bucks. Eight bucks! That means the library is charging a 225% mark up. But why should they care? They don’t really need to use the money to replace the book. I mean, they still have it.
Plus, the amazon copy is probably in much better condition than the book I returned. But I could have my son color on the pages a little so that it looks more like the original.
Wait—the injustice grows. I called to ask about the book right before we left on vacation. I checked my library account the same day I returned home from vacation, even though it was nearly midnight, because that’s the kind of responsible library user I am.
My account was frozen.
Seriously.
The librarian I spoke with never mentioned she’d do this. She just froze it.
Is this right, I ask you? Is this justice?
Plus, since I’m a heavy user, all of my books were due the day after I returned from vacation, but I couldn’t renew them! So now the library will profit from that, too.
I’m thinking of picketing. Join me if you like. We’ll wave signs that say, “The library steals puppies.”
Or, I have a better idea. I have about twenty books out now. The library can keep those puppies and freeze my account, and then I’ll sell the books on EBay. I currently have Game of Thrones. Quite a popular title. Anyone want it? I’ll cut you a deal.
I hope you made it to the end of this article because I have a confession to make. I’m totally lying. I have the book. My son smuggled it under his mattress. Heh, heh. Who’d have thought those ten puppies were being smothered under there all along? The crafty little suckers never made a peep.
So I guess it isn’t actually the library’s fault. At all. It’s really hard to say whose fault it is, though. Possibly my husband—what has he been teaching our son the klepto, anyway? Or maybe Osama bin Laden’s. I don’t think we ever uncovered all of the crimes he committed. I’m not sure who to blame, but definitely some bad and irresponsible person messed up here, and if you figure out who, can you tell him he owes me $26?
And it is so their fault.
I’m a heavy user. Recently I returned a stack of about twenty books. Among them was one entitled Ten Puppies. I know those puppies were there—all ten of them. I can still see them wagging away on the yellow cover, buried in the stack.
Are you sitting down? Because what I have to say next will shock you. Later, when I later checked my account, the computer said that those ten hooligan puppies had never been turned in.
I was forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes. I called the library and explained I’d turned the book in, and I expected them to reply, “Yes, I see that you’re a responsible library user, utterly above reproach. Don’t worry about it.”
But no! The librarian told me the book was missing (and she said it like it was a dirty word), and that I was responsible. Me! An English teacher! I love books. I don’t lose them. Even when they’re asinine and utterly forgettable, like those ten little puppies.
Then she told me I’d have to pay $26 to replace those ten friggin’ puppies.
I found the book on amazon for eight bucks. Eight bucks! That means the library is charging a 225% mark up. But why should they care? They don’t really need to use the money to replace the book. I mean, they still have it.
Plus, the amazon copy is probably in much better condition than the book I returned. But I could have my son color on the pages a little so that it looks more like the original.
Wait—the injustice grows. I called to ask about the book right before we left on vacation. I checked my library account the same day I returned home from vacation, even though it was nearly midnight, because that’s the kind of responsible library user I am.
My account was frozen.
Seriously.
The librarian I spoke with never mentioned she’d do this. She just froze it.
Is this right, I ask you? Is this justice?
Plus, since I’m a heavy user, all of my books were due the day after I returned from vacation, but I couldn’t renew them! So now the library will profit from that, too.
I’m thinking of picketing. Join me if you like. We’ll wave signs that say, “The library steals puppies.”
Or, I have a better idea. I have about twenty books out now. The library can keep those puppies and freeze my account, and then I’ll sell the books on EBay. I currently have Game of Thrones. Quite a popular title. Anyone want it? I’ll cut you a deal.
I hope you made it to the end of this article because I have a confession to make. I’m totally lying. I have the book. My son smuggled it under his mattress. Heh, heh. Who’d have thought those ten puppies were being smothered under there all along? The crafty little suckers never made a peep.
So I guess it isn’t actually the library’s fault. At all. It’s really hard to say whose fault it is, though. Possibly my husband—what has he been teaching our son the klepto, anyway? Or maybe Osama bin Laden’s. I don’t think we ever uncovered all of the crimes he committed. I’m not sure who to blame, but definitely some bad and irresponsible person messed up here, and if you figure out who, can you tell him he owes me $26?
